A couple from Newark NJ has been married for three years, but they noticed that the “luster” was starting to calm down. The wife was the first to notice that her husband’s attention was focusing more on work, basketball with the guys and spending more time away from home and hanging out with his fraternity brothers.  He was not doing anything wrong or breaking any marital vows, but she became accustom to a certain level of attention.  She wondered, “What had changed”?

After discussing her concern with her husband, he said that he didn’t pay much attention to his changes.  He enjoyed playing basketball and hanging out with the fellas and didn’t think it was any big deal.  His wife assured him that this is not a problem, but wanted to discuss the frequent nights out and was wondering if he was starting to lose interest in her sex appeal. 

Her husband immediately said “no”, of course not.  He expressed that he loved her more today after three years of marriage than the day that he met her.  His love for her has grown and there is a stronger sense of security within him when it comes to knowing that this beautiful lady is his wife.  These words warmed her heart and she needed to hear this from him.  The slight change was because in his mind, everything is going well; let me do something else that I would like to do with my free time.  The concern was raised because he mistakenly did not share these thoughts with his wife.  She was not trying to control, smoother or keep her husband from enjoying other interest that he may have.  However, the communication gap was disconnected only because there were no alarming issues for him that needed to be addressed. 

His wife pointed out that she had recently visited her grandparents, who had been married for 45 years.  She asked them, in her visit, how did you guys make your marriage last so long?  Their answer to their granddaughter’s question was, “to keep the affection between each other strong”.  Show affection by giving love, kindness, warmth, security and caring for one another.  Her grandparents said that they accepted their vows with a sincere and serious heart to abide by those words that were written and spoken 45 years ago. 

The conversations between couples should always be evolving from the beginning of marriage, to the birth of your first child; to reaching midlife, towards the empty nest and retirement phases of marriage.  The stories between the two of you will be able to be rehashed with one another over the years is worth more than gold. Continue to find ways to enjoy and love on one another. 

Johnnie B. Sanders
Husband and Wife for Life Writer / Speaker