It's Been 17 Years and It Wasn't Always Easy

It’s been 17 years of marriage and everything has been perfect! Well, not so much. Yes……really. Have you every heard someone say how their marriage is ALWAYS perfect? Uhhh, excuse me? But, has your marriage NEVER had a bad day? Kind of hard to believe, huh?

Well, we hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we’ve been married 17 years and it has NOT been easy. We could literally start anywhere and end everywhere. It’s been a full roller coaster of emotions, maturity, personal development, spirituality and more.

Think of taking two solid blocks and trying to merge them together into a single block. Yep, that’s marriage. Two selfish single hard heads taking on the challenge of becoming one heart. It is THE ultimate challenge.

Challenge? Yes, challenge. Those roller coaster of uneasiness, imperfections, and bad days (and the list goes on) are all in that challenge. But, the thing we love about challenges are the opportunities it gives to work hard at something that can be WON.

How?

Well, one thing that we’ve realized is one of the hardest struggles in marriage is personal development. Self. Think about this…..How can you fully learn about and love someone when you don’t know yourself? How can you successfully grow with someone when you refuse to change something about yourself? How will you ever understand someone when you choose to hear over wanting to listen to them?

Through our marriage we had to learn how to tear down the wall of self….ishness. We had to grow personally with an intent to grow together. We had to change the way “I” thought it should be and think about how it could be if “WE” did it together. We had to take a few steps back when we were offended and not be so quick to speak. But, instead think about what was said before we answer. We had to put ourselves in the shoes of the other so we can walk in how they were feeling and how they were understanding. We had to learn to speak with respect in our voice, even when were upset. We had to learn to see the beauty in each other even while going through the most unfortunate situations.

All of this challenged our personal development and maturity. It took years to tear down these walls and replace them with new ones. We learned somewhere between year 1 and year 17, we had to change some things about ourselves in order for our marriage to be what we always dreamed of it to be. We couldn’t be stubborn anymore.

Going through a hard time? Thinking of separation or divorce? Yeah, we did too. Really, I think it crosses many minds at one time or another. But, we believe that its in those moments where you find the deepest meaning of what your marriage is and how much you really do love each other. Not give into it. It’s also your most important time of change.

Yes, its been 17 years and it wasn’t easy. But, we chose to change some things about our selves to meet the needs of our marriage and give our marriage a chance. We CHOSE to do that. And, that is one reason why we are married 17 years strong today.

Mark and Laquilla Lane

Husband and Wife for Life Founders