Meet Stephen and Ginny

Married 3yrs

How and where did you meet?

Ginny: We met at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Fort Worth, TX when I came up to the school to visit my older sister. Stephen was with a group of my sister’s friends when I met him, and we hit off, and became good friends, and then later started a long distance relationship before we ”officially” started dating which is about a year after we met. It was the best move I’ve ever made, because I was with the man I knew I’d marry.

Share something about each other that you admire:

Ginny: I just love how Stephen loves and serves our family, and is always working so hard to take really good care of us. He is a good encourager to me, and he is a blessing to be around. I appreciate how well he listens to my struggles and is always there to lead me closer to the Lord.

Stephen: I admire Ginny’s sensitive heart for the Lord’s leading in her life, and how she takes care of our son and teaches him about Jesus.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it:

During our first year of marriage, we lost our firstborn 6 days after she was born due to a lack of oxygen to her brain, because of distress on her and I during labor. That was the hardest thing we have ever had to go through and deal with. It was certainly a trial that could have torn us apart, but we are thankful for our salvation and HOPE in the Lord that has kept us strong and allowed us to get through the darkest time of our lives.

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

It has been a long grief journey (of losing our daughter), but the Lord has been with us the whole way. We have grown stronger together and to the Lord, and it has been a blessing to see how well the Lord has brought comfort and peace to our lives. He blessed us with a son after we lost our daughter, and he brings us SO much joy! Our son has helped heal our hearts in so many ways, and we are grateful to the Lord for both of our children. Even though our daughter can not be with us, we are thankful for the time we had with her during those 6 short days, and we are so blessed and thankful for our time with our son each day. 

Share a funny or interesting story.

We have had some really interesting and funny times together. Ginny: One that sticks out to me, is the time that Stephen backed his car into a dumpster while we were dating. He had just dropped me off the at the girls dorm. He was not looking behind him, but at me while he was backing up, and he smashed his back window in. He was so shaken up and shocked, that he just fled the scene and didn’t say a word to me (even though I watched the WHOLE thing!). I later found out that he was scared of getting in trouble with security, for backing into the dumpster and leaving the glass everywhere. Now we laugh about it, but it was interesting having a duck tape/ card board window in his car.

Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead, it’s about helping each other see things from the other’s perspective.

Before you decide to “check out” of your Marriage, give God the opportunity to “check in”.

A great friend will respect your marriage.

In marriage, commitment is an obligation and NOT an option.

A spark happens when two objects come together simultaneously.  In marriage, it is that incredible feeling you receive when there is a special connection between you and your spouse and each person’s desires and needs are met. Since marriage is a long-term commitment, getting the spark back in your marriage requires more than just hugging, kissing, and holding hands.

www.armedmagazine.com

What emotional baggage have you brought into your marriage?  All of us bring some kind of emotional baggage into our marriage relationship.  When two people are joined together in marriage there is a coming together of their past, present and future lives.  Particularly, past experiences can shape who we are, how we think, how we see, and how we perceive.  In addition, how we think and feel leads to how we act, react and respond.  Now marriage issues are common, all married couples will face them, they can be predictable and most issues are relatively simple to diagnose and address.  These marriage issues are a result of the union of two lives trying to merge together and can range from personal preferences, money management sexual compatibility to dealing with in-laws.  

On the other hand, emotional baggage is unresolved issues that we carry deep in the compartments of our feelings. And that baggage is brought on board into the marriage relationship. As a result, emotional baggage can eventually cause marital problems, but it is not caused by the marriage union. This baggage can stem from past hurts, abuse, fear, low self esteem and abandonment; even from excessive sexual promiscuity to extreme strict emotional constraints. This baggage becomes unresolved issues that have never been confronted, dealt with, resolved, or released. We pack away these past experiences and if we never take the time to unpack – on board they go! Right into your marriage relationship only to weigh down the ability for your marriage to grow, fly high and remain healthy. The success of a healthy marriage strongly depends on the emotional health of the individual in the marriage.  We all have been affected by emotional baggage and it can come in different forms of intensity, but no matter what level of intensity, it becomes like a thorn imbedded in the fibers of our soul.

If you haven’t taken the time before marriage to deal with past issues, NOW is the time to empty those bags!  Understand that we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people and all have sinned and are in need of God’s grace.  It’s important to get to the place where you recognize your emotional issues and take the responsibility to deal with them.  Identify the emotional baggage, realize that there is an issue and conclude that you need help then take the next important step and share with your spouse.  Perform a self analysis, do a self assessment, admit to specific issues and seek the help you need to be free. Refuse denial, refuse fear, refuse blame, refuse shame and refuse to be the victim….accept freedom!  Choose to confess, forgive, apologize, overcome and change; which can come through God’s Word. Let truth be applied to bring about change. Finding the courage and strength to face and get rid of your emotional baggage will only enhance your ability to give and receive true love. In turn, you make steps toward building a healthy long lasting marriage relationship with your spouse.

    Marcene Sanders

    Husband and Wife for Life  –Writer/Speaker

A couple from Newark NJ has been married for three years, but they noticed that the “luster” was starting to calm down. The wife was the first to notice that her husband’s attention was focusing more on work, basketball with the guys and spending more time away from home and hanging out with his fraternity brothers.  He was not doing anything wrong or breaking any marital vows, but she became accustom to a certain level of attention.  She wondered, “What had changed”?

After discussing her concern with her husband, he said that he didn’t pay much attention to his changes.  He enjoyed playing basketball and hanging out with the fellas and didn’t think it was any big deal.  His wife assured him that this is not a problem, but wanted to discuss the frequent nights out and was wondering if he was starting to lose interest in her sex appeal. 

Her husband immediately said “no”, of course not.  He expressed that he loved her more today after three years of marriage than the day that he met her.  His love for her has grown and there is a stronger sense of security within him when it comes to knowing that this beautiful lady is his wife.  These words warmed her heart and she needed to hear this from him.  The slight change was because in his mind, everything is going well; let me do something else that I would like to do with my free time.  The concern was raised because he mistakenly did not share these thoughts with his wife.  She was not trying to control, smoother or keep her husband from enjoying other interest that he may have.  However, the communication gap was disconnected only because there were no alarming issues for him that needed to be addressed. 

His wife pointed out that she had recently visited her grandparents, who had been married for 45 years.  She asked them, in her visit, how did you guys make your marriage last so long?  Their answer to their granddaughter’s question was, “to keep the affection between each other strong”.  Show affection by giving love, kindness, warmth, security and caring for one another.  Her grandparents said that they accepted their vows with a sincere and serious heart to abide by those words that were written and spoken 45 years ago. 

The conversations between couples should always be evolving from the beginning of marriage, to the birth of your first child; to reaching midlife, towards the empty nest and retirement phases of marriage.  The stories between the two of you will be able to be rehashed with one another over the years is worth more than gold. Continue to find ways to enjoy and love on one another. 

Johnnie B. Sanders
Husband and Wife for Life Writer / Speaker

Meet Carl and Dora

How and where did you meet?

We met on a blind date, on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 1970, arranged by friends of ours!

Share something about each other that you admire:

Dora: I admire how Carl does whatever he can to ease my hurt. When something is bothering me, it shows it bothers him. Love him so much.

Carl: Love her loving and forgiving spirit. It’s because of her love for God we are still together.

Share a challenge in your marriage that you have overcome together and how you overcame it.

We have had many problems in our marriage: unfaithfulness, financial problems, eviction, repossesion. It came to a point I (Dora) just wanted to give up. I knew there had to be a better life than what I was living. But I gave my marriage over to God. My earthly father told me to be quiet and stop arguing with Carl, and that Carl is a good husband. God answered my prayers!

After you have overcome the situation, how has it made your marriage stronger?

After overcoming the situation in our marriage, and knowing most importantly that we love each other, has made our marriage much stronger. We still have problems, but we deal with them together, and we remember the vows we took! God is so GOOD!

Share a funny or interesting story.

What’s interesting about our marriage: We were given 6 months for our marriage to last. Many said it wouldn’t last. It’s been 42 years and we are still in LOVE!!!!

Consistently let your Spouse know how much they mean to you. Each little reminder nurtures your spouse and blesses your Marriage.